Some of you, you probably heard me talking about going to Arizona (for the 2013 Heritage Makers Conference) and… then changing my mind and not going anymore –
And now… I’m going again! J
I’ve been battling myself for quite some time now and have formally made a decision - I’m going to Arizona!!
The below isn’t so much an explanation for anyone but more of a journaling note of my inner-thoughts for me (and since you are such wonderful people who [I know] enjoy learning, I am sharing with you for Personal Development purposes).
My battle was all internal (emotions of guilt, negative self-talk, feeling of lack, fear of unknown) – and yesterday I had an ah-ha moment! of – Girl you gotta do it!
I read about it, I talk about it and now is my turn to do it.
I made a decision to make the formal decision yesterday and to stop looking back and thinking about it.
I was completely frustrated and confused – and “had” decided that I wasn’t going and I made the call to tell my rep.
Internally I was upset about it – emotion – however my logic was telling me that this was “for the better good” and that I’ll get over it.
I pulled a tarot card prior to making the call: http://www.biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/minor-arcana/suit-of-swords/two-of-swords/
…which really didn’t help me – but obviously confirmed my frustration of indecision.
Why was I so indecisive? Had I really made a decision and …was it the right one?
Why hadn’t I cancelled anything? Why am I battling this decision?
I told my rep I was feeling really confused and frustrated and I shouldn’t be feeling like this – making a decision to go should be easy!
She agreed and that was that! I wasn’t going…
But then she started talking about ‘stuff’ and I got all frustrated again – about going and figured out that this was because I was going against my inner-gut.
Everything in my “being” is telling me to go, I can see myself there, I can see myself benefiting from it, I feel good about it…
But my logic screams in my head: “really? Do you really think you should go? How selfish of you – taking up a whole week by yourself and spending money to boot!! There are so many other things you could do – as a family! Who do you think you are? If my spouse wanted to do this, how would you feel – would you just let him go?! I don’t think so!...” blah blah blah…
So I am sick to my stomach excited – and am stepping out of my ego and fears and inflicting Change with Love!
My message (light bulb moment) from up-above is ask for help and allow myself to receive it.
I LOVE helping others and can GIVE unconditionally but when my turn comes, there is where I hit a brick wall and voices get really loud (in my head).
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” ~ Matthew 7:7
I’ve lived this SEVERAL times in my lifetime – and so this is GOD knocking on my heart and telling me to “let go” and to just “believe”, again!
Ask, Believe and Receive – Let go of the “other” stuff and just allow the Universe to do its work and this is where Change / New Beginnings happen (internally)!
Today’s Message is for my inner-self:
1) Be impeccable with your word: I had originally said I was going – I have to stick to my “guns” and do what I say (listen to myself).
2) Don’t take anything personally: I was originally going with a local girlfriend however due to circumstances she’s no longer going and I can’t take “her” situation on.
3) Don’t make assumptions: Hello?! I live here!! I am letting go of the logic of this situation and am walking forward – into faith.
4) Always do your best: I have to give myself credit where credit is due – and know that I am doing my best (right in this moment).
Learn more about these agreements here: http://tammymathieu.blogspot.ca/2012/06/five-agreements-toltec-wisdom.html
These wonderful agreements are sourced from:
Don Miguel Ruiz http://www.miguelruiz.com/
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